15 December 2014

Priorities & Finding Direction

I have been feeling a bit lost for a little while now. Probably since the end of May, which is when I stopped getting my maternity leave cheques. I started working part-time in August, which made me feel like I was contributing again. Yes, taking care of a little one is contributing! Absolutely! It is such an important job, and can be so exhausting some days. But it has been hard to accept that it is okay to not be fully providing for myself. In addition, I feel like I have no career. Yep, I said it. I was in school, planning to take a master's program, when I got pregnant with Lena. I had high hopes, and really believed that I could still go to school with a baby. Well, I finished my BA, but the master's is on hold.... I don't quite feel like I've given up entirely, but I do feel like I don't know what I'm doing with my career life. But I'm also only 26. Still young.

I read something the other day about priorities. Make a list of everything that is important to you, that you want to accomplish/have as part of your life. Narrow it down to 3 things. Mine are:
1. Don't miss Lena growing up. Be there for her early years, as much as possible.
2. Have a nice home. I don't mean fancy, just clean, not too cluttered, decorated in ways that make me happy. This is something I did not expect. I have always been messy, and I do not like to clean or get rid of anything. But I feel so much more at peace when my surroundings are simple.
3. That's all I got, so "Keep It Simple, Stupid!"

This is what I want out of life right now. I have lots of time for a career, later, when my babies are in school and don't need me as much. I am in the BABY stage right now--embrace this awesome time! I am hoping to get pregnant again soon (a topic for another day, but eek!), so this is where I am right now.

Speaking of which, I just got a 13 hour contract at my work, which means that I will be able to take alternate work accommodation during my next pregnancy (it is a behaviour home; not a great place for pregnant ladies to work), which means.... that my plan is coming together and baby #2 might just squeak into the tail end of 2015! (Am I crazy??)

18 November 2014

Lena at 16 months

My enter key is broken, so bear with me. At 16 months, Lena loves loves LOVES books! I get requests to read stories dozens of times a day, and sometimes she will babble/"read" to herself if I have denied her request to read "What's a Fraggle?" for the 16th consecutive time. She also likes to climb stairs, walk holding someone's hand, and crawl at super speed. She has unfortunately become a picky eater in recent weeks, and we have had to be more creative at mealtimes. She has been teething a lot lately, but still only has four teeth. Ha! She sleeps through the night maybe once a week, but otherwise is usually awake once for a bottle. (We still haven't kicked the bottle habit........] She has the sweetest laugh, but we have started to see her toddler temper emerging as well. She loves to pet our cat and to dance. She is growing up so fast!!
Reading to herself!

She still likes the occasional snuggle

31 October 2014


Life is so very good right now. I have a loving husband who respects and cherishes me; we are truly partners, and balance one another when we are at our best. Obviously we are not always at our best, but we are in it to win it. I'm also so thankful to have a healthy daughter. I am beyond relieved that her hip dysplasia wasn't long- term, and that it is all (hopefully) behind us. There are so many ways that things can go wrong in pregnancy, birth , and infancy. It might be from working in the disabilities field for so long, buti am acutely aware of how lucky we are to have a healthy little girl. 

I have everything I need, and more. Truthfully I have too much, and I need to declutter  this house. What a problem to have!

27 October 2014

Lena: 15 months

Two years ago today, I found out I was pregnant with this sweet little girl. She was not entirely planned, but very much welcomed nevertheless. This is the day that I found out I was going to be a mother, or rather, that I already was one. My life changed in that moment, and I really wouldn't want it any other way. I am so, so happy and content with life right now, and I owe it all to my mini-family. We are planning to start trying for #2 in a few months, which means that a year from now we could have a newborn! I am both excited and terrified about the idea of having another baby. We're finally in a sweet spot with Lena: she usually goes to sleep easy in her crib, waking only once for a drink or not at all through the night; I am not breastfeeding, which means I have had actual freedom (I just spent 24 hrs away from Wade and Lena, at the most wonderful girls' weekend where we laughed and frolicked like the teenagers we were when we all met); she is still happily in diapers, so we aren't dealing with potty training yet; and she has enough words to communicate the basics (yes, no, mama, dada, hi, uh oh, do(g), meow) and is so silly and fun. It's seems kind of crazy to jump into the deep end of newborn life again, especially since this time we'll have a toddler to wrangle alongside a new baby. I also don't want to throw Lena out of her "baby" spot too soon. She will likely be between 2 1/4 and 2 1/2 when baby #2 is born, so she will be more independent... it's hard to imagine what she will be like a year from now though. I don't want the gap to get too big though, because the longer she's an only child, I think the harder it will be for her to deal with sharing mom and dad. But what do I know. I think it's always going to be a hard transition. So at least she'll be well into toddlerhood. Anyways, baby #2 has been on my mind a lot lately. I'm trying to live it up in this "easy", pre-pregnant time right now... wine, not being exhausted, and hopefully losing my last 10-12 pregnancy pounds from last time! Hah.

Now, onto Lena at 15 months!!!

I love 15 month old Lena. She has such a silly sense of humour, can play independently for short periods, still likes a bedtime cuddle, sticks her cheek out for kisses, babbles adorably with a few coherent words thrown in, and pets Omar so gently. She loves smaller dogs and cats, flipping through books, using a spoon and bowl to eat, her best friend the soother, sorting objects, playing with other kids, and going to the park. She does not like being told 'no', and will frequently tell us "nooooooooo" in her high-pitched voice. She just dropped her soother, said "uh oh", then talked herself to sleep for this nap (after I replaced the soother.) She is 21 lbs, I believe, and wears a mix of 12 month and 18 month clothes. She has 4 teeth, brown hair (with a hint of auburn in the sunlight), and mysterious grey-green eyes. She's getting steadier on her feet (can take a few steps holding onto just one of my hands now), but I think it will still be a little while until she walks. Maybe around Christmas. She's a beauty alright, and has so much curiosity about her world. She can hardly sit still, and I love her!

25 September 2014

Work vs SAHM & Money

I've been back to work for about 8 weeks now. Since it's a relief position, some weeks I have worked only one day (or even none!) and others I have worked 4-5 days. A few days have been long - 12 hr days where I've spent 4 hrs driving to drop Wade and Lena off, and then to KW for training - so long that I basically only see Lena for a half hour in the morning and twenty minutes of putting her to bed. These days have been so hard on me. On the way home, I had this urgency of I need to see my baby.

I know that I'm lucky in that I don't have to go back to work full-time, and that my work isn't the typical 9-5. (Those days kill me, in that I see so little of my girl. I'm on day 2 of a 3 day stretch right now - 12 hr, 9 hr, 9 hr. All daytime hours.) And yet, it is still so hard on my heart. I know some women love their jobs and go nuts staying at home. Everyone is different, and every situation is different, yadda yadda. All I'm saying is that I miss my baby and I wish I could stay home. Yep, I said it.

But.... I am working, and I will continue to work until my next mat leave ;)

Our savings is seriously depleted, and there are things we would like to save for in our future:
~ we are planning to sell this house in 4-5 years and move to a different area, likely in our "forever home" region.
~ to do so, we will need to replace the windows in this house. And likely make improvements to at least one bathroom. Our bathrooms are in pretty rough shape. Like broken vanity, painted-orange grout, retro tiles shape.
~ baby #2. Obviously we already have most baby things, but there are a few large purchases that we'll need/would like to buy... a new infant car seat (Lena's was borrowed and has now expired) and a good double stroller. Lena will very likely be in the 2 1/4 yr to 2 1/2 yr range when new baby arrives, and I use our stroller SO much! I bought a really good used stroller (Bugaboo) when Lena was born, and I have not regretted it one bit. I use it almost every day, even through the winter and I am now a firm believer that a good stroller will change your life (if you are home everyday without a car.)

Anyways, that's about it.